Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize