Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Congratulations! We have a period
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
