I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
