"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
