apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
