My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
