You can't special order awesome
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
