Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
