Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
