omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize