i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
