The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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