Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
