Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
