well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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