i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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