Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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