I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
