I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
