HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
