Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
