I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize