my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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