Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize