I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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