When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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