I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
