pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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