My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
