If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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