Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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