U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
