Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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