Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
