You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i now understand why vodka
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
A bitchslap is in order.
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