do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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