yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
