singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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