Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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