Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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