So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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