have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
