i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
