look no pants
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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