If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
