He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
