Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
