went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize