just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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