are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
