im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
