She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
