Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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