Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Found your dick twin last night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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