Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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