my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
