The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
