Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
