Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
