My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
