He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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