I'm gonna have a badass scar
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
