He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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