I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
