I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
