And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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