??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
