i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
