I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She bit a glass in half.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Randomize
