I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize