wanna go halves on a baby?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
