I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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