So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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