hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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